OW! That game was painful! Ouch ouch!
I'm a poll troll I just got two back-to-back calls from people purporting to be from an outfit called David Binder Research. I had difficulty understanding both people.
Ring!!!!
me:Hello?
female voice: Hello? Is this Susan Kitchens?
me: Who's calling, please?
person:Hello? I'm Carolina calling from DaviByebyeReason
me: I'm sorry, Carolina, I didn't catch the company you were with...
Carolina: David Binder Research
me: (always wanting to get them off their script, because they got me off of whatever I was doing before the fone rang). Where is David Binder Research located, Carolina?
Carolina: I cannot say.
me: Why's that?
Carolina: Because I want to bias.
me: Hm? I don't understand.
Carolina: Because I want to bias.
....because I want to be unbias.
me: ohhhhh! Bias! You don't want to cause a bias? Okay...
She lowered her voice to an almost inaudible tone and proceded to hastily read a statment that shewouldonly take aminuteofmytime ifIwoojusanswer somequestions.
me: I think that it will take more than a minute because I will have to ask you repeat everything you say because (I spoke more hurriedly) I am having a hard time understanding you. Unfortunately, Carolina, you have read your script out loud to lots of people before but I am hearing it for the first time, so please read it s.l.o.w.l.y.
(pause)
Hello? Carolina?
(the line was dead)
Now, where was I? Oh yes, reading some web thing.
Ring!
me: Hello?
male voice: Hello, is this Susan Kitchens?
me: Who's calling, please?
male voice: This is [Name, which I don't remember] from David Binder Research
The guy sounds young, 20's, with a strong asian accent.
me: Oh! I was just talking to Carolina from David Binder Research!
male voice: I do not know her.
me: Well, I had a difficult time understanding her because she read her script too fast. She said it would only take a half a minute, but I couldn't understand what she was saying.
me: Hey, do you guys have a website? Are you at davidbinderresearch.com?
male voice: I do not know anything about that.
Will you take a survey? It should only take a minute.
me: Okay, I've started the timer. Go ahead.
[start googling to find David Binder Research]
male voice: Are you registered to vote?
me: yes
Oh, you guys are at Dee Bee hyphen research dot com
male voice: oh.
Pause.
male voice: Will you be voting for in the November edection?
I'm thinking--Say what?! is he asking IF I'll be voting or who I'll be voting FOR? And who at this outift has been writing up questions that make NO grammatical sense?!?
me:What? will I be voting for in the November election?
male voice: Will you be voting foh in the November edection?
me: Are you asking me who I'll be voting for?
male voice: Will you be voting foh in the November edection? Do you plan to vote?
me: Are you asking if I plan to vote this November?
male voice: yes.
me: Yes I will.
male voice: Who will you vote foh in da Gobonoh election?
me:Who will I vote for for Govorner?
male voice: Yes. Will you vote for Dabis, foh Simon, foh...[he names other candidates]
me: I'm going to write in Dick Riordan.
(pause)
(I'm wondering if he's got a category for that, or how that is being marked on whatever survey form he's working with.)
male voice: Who will you vote foh Assembly
[back and forth about how I don't know the names off hand, he reads them. By this time I'm tiring of answering questions, and am feeling secretive. I'm mostly decided, but I need to do a little more research.]
male voice: Who are you leaning towards?
me: Undecided. That's prolly the best way to put it.
male voice: Okay, and would you tell me your age?
me: I'm between 40 and 49.
male voice: Would you specify?
me: No, I will not.
male voice: What is your race? Are you white, black, asian, hispanic, american indian or other?
me:(I really hate these questions) I am a human being. Female.
male voice: What is your race?
me: I decline to say.
It ended not long after.
I recently read a statement, "Never believe the polls; people lie to pollsters." No kidding. After this kind of experience, I felt compelled to lie. The longer I dealt with trying to understand non-sense, the less I felt like speaking truthfully.
The funniest part about this? Read the fluff on the David Binder Research home page:
David Binder Research helps clients answer their most difficult
questions
and solve complex problems using insightful public opinion
research
and market research. [emphasis mine]
Difficult statements like "I want to bias" and difficult questions like "Will you be voting for in the November elections?"
The difficult questions I have: Why do I enjoy being so mean to these ridiculous telemarketers and researchers? Why do I want to post transcripts of the entire conversations afterwards? Why do I send email to them to tell them "it wasn't pretty" and then give them the url to this page?
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